Instructions: How To Make The BEST PB&J Sandwich EVER

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have been the poor man’s crown jewel for decades. This traditionally decadent culinary art has been the salvation for many starving college students since sliced bread. Crafting such an exquisite delicacy requires prudence and tact, as well as an apt array of materials.

STEP 1: Acquire Materials

The following items can be found at your local department store:

  • 1 jar of Jiff’s Creamy Organic Peanut Butter
  • 1 jar of Welch’s Grape Jelly
  • 1 loaf of Whole-Grain Wonder-bread
  • 1 Toaster
  • 1 Plate
  • 2 Butter knives

First things first, inventory your cabinets/culinary gear to see what materials you already have and which you need to buy. With any luck, the toaster, plate, and butter knives are standard necessities for every kitchen. Maybe you can borrow your roommates gear otherwise. Carefully inventory what you have, and purchase what you have not. Once all of your ingredients are acquired, you are ready for step two.

STEP 2: Prepping The Arts (the Bread)

Lay out your ingredients on the prepping counter in the following order: peanut butter, butter knife, jelly, butter knife, loaf, plate, toaster. Grab the loaf of Wonder-bread. Carefully untwist the twisty tie, placing said twisty tie in between your teeth. Open the bag and remove 3 (yes, three) pieces of bread from the bag. Place the three slices on the plate to your right. Grab the bag and remove the twisty tie from your teeth, fastening shut the bag of Wonder-bread securely. Once securely shut, place the loaf of bread up in the cupboard for future food sculpting. Now let’s move onto the goods.

STEP 3: Prepping the Arts (the Goods)

Now that our bread is ready for arts, we must prepare the “Goods” (also known as spreads). We will start with the peanut-butter. Grab the jar of peanut-butter in your left hand. Holding the jar upright, place your right hand over the cap and firmly grasp. Twist the cap counterclockwise until it can be safely removed and placed on the counter near the plate. Place the now opened jar of peanut-butter back in its place on the prepping counter.

Repeat the previous procedure for the jar of jam.

Now that our materials are prepped and ready for art, we can begin.

STEP 4: The Secret Toasted Slice

Grab one of the wonder-slices and place it in one of the toaster oven slots. Make sure your toaster is plugged into the nearest power source, and toast the piece of bread for two to two and a half minutes. Remove the toasted slice from the toaster and place it on the plate.

STEP 5: Get Jamming

Take the butter-knife nearest to the Jelly and plunge the knife into the jam. Scoop a chunk of jam with the butter-knife and place the scoop on an untoasted slice of bread. Spread the jam with the knife in a smooth motion until the face of the slice is covered entirely. Repeat this step once more to the other slice of bread.

Once both slices are jammed, replace the cap back on the jelly jar, and put it back into storage.

STEP 6: Peanut Butter meets toasted slice.

So now in front of you, you should have two slices of untoasted bread that are covered in jelly and one plain toasted piece.

Take the butter-knife nearest to the peanut-butter and plunge the knife into the spread. Scoop a chunk of peanut-butter with the butter-knife and place the scoop on the toasted slice of bread. Spread the the peanut-butter with the knife in a smooth motion until the face of the slice is covered entirely. Pick up the toasted slice and place it on top of one of the jam-covered slices with the peanut buttered side facing down. Now remove another scoop of peanut-butter with the butter-knife and spread it on the unscathed toasted sliced that you’ve just stacked atop the the jam-slice. Now replace the cap to the peanut-butter jar and place it in storage.

Once the toasted slice is spread (having both of its faces covered in peanut-butter), pick up the final untoasted jam-slice. Place the final slice atop of the other two slices making sure the jelly face is facing down to meet with the peanutbutter that rests atop the stack.

STEP 7: Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Time

Place that sandwich on the plate provided. Throw those knives into the sink for washing. Give thanks to the Lord for your culinary artwork. Stuff your face.

7 Simple Tips To Make Your Blog Go Viral!!!

Nobody starts a blog and thinks to themselves, “I hope that no one reads this blog EVER.” We’ve all got ideas and thoughts that we want to share with the world and we want people to read and relate to our blogs. How can we expect people to read and relate to our work if they don’t know we exist? We’ve got to go viral!!!

Here are 7 simple tips to shoot your views through the roof! Image

1. It’s got to be easy to scan!

If your blog isn’t already buzzing with views, you want your readers to get a quick idea and feel for what you have to say! Lists tend to be one of the easier ways to do this but structure your blog to be scannable. In a quick 30 second scan, your reader should know what to expect and if they want to read further!

2. Write clearly and directly!

Rabbit trails are bad! Stay on track with your writing and make certain your ideas are concise and clear! Don’t explain an idea in 1500 words if you could’ve done so in 200!!

3. Avoid using Jargon!

“I mean it gets a little too “froshy” up in Philler for us to be knackered enough to rest our zonkered peepers on the fairytale scribblings of a less than savvy web-surfing pirate. You know what I mean?”

No. No we don’t. Don’t write like that. Universal terms are your friend. I promise.

4. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DROP THE NAMES!

It seems like a cheap little trick, however many bloggers went viral simple by adding names like Justin Bieber, Lady GaGa, Taylor Swift, Robert Downey Jr., and Kate Upton to their blogs. People are constantly searching for the latest dirt on what our favorite front-cover faces are up to. Throwing these names in your tags  will help your blog become more SEO (search engine optimization) friendly. For more on making your blog more SEO, check out this article by Google.

5. Add links and media!

Articles without pictures and links to other sites or posts are dreadfully boring. Add a few pictures to your blog! Not only does it make your blog look more welcoming and interesting to read, but it spruces up the scenery of your ideas! Also if you cite articles or sources to make points in your articles, adding those sources as links to your blog are great ways to keep your readers coming back to you! Huffington Post, TMZ, and BuzzFeed owe their success largely to this little tip!

6. When in doubt, chunk it out.

Always write in chunks! When your ideas are clear and compartmentalized, your reader will have NO problem following your train of thought and tracking with your goal!

7. You’re writing to a reader, not to an anomaly!

Use second-person language when you’re writing! Writing this way makes blog-viewing seem much more personable and conversational! You’re writing to people, so write like you’re writing to a specific person! Don’t say “users” when you can just can “YOU!” Rutgers University did a study on writing for the web, and they state that “You” is the most powerful word on the Internet! For more tips from Rutgers click here!

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Bonus tip: Add cats. Cats mean views. Always add cats.

If you follow these few simple tips, every social media site with be infected with your blogs, I assure you!

If you like what you’ve read and would like a closer look at some of my work, follow my blog here